When Shorter Is Better: a Perfect Opening Message in 100 Words or Less

You don’t want to send a novel length message to a woman you’re chatting up for the first time online. The perfect open message is a small, casual 100 words or less. If you want to avoid the too long; didn’t read phenomenon of the internet you should keep to that limit. Here’s how to say what you really mean in such a short space.

Why Keep It Brief

"Who's going to read such a long message?"

“Who’s going to read such a long message?”

First of all, why would you want to keep it brief? It seems like you’d want to send her a nice, long message that lets her know that you’ve read her profile. To a certain extent you do. “Hey, what’s up?” is a terrible icebreaker. If you send her five detailed paragraphs, however, you’re going to look weird. You don’t want to stray to the “too long; didn’t read” side, and you also don’t want to come on too strong. Very long opening messages make you seem like you’re desperate. Also, you’ll have covered so many topics in the course of this one long response that it would be difficult for her to pick out on specific thing to respond to. Overwhelm her, and you won’t get the message back you deserve.

The Rule of Three

"Ask her open ended questions"

“Ask her open ended questions”

For a well balanced message you should include three things that she can choose to respond to. These should be one thing about you, one thing about her, and one thing that you both share. For example, you can mention that you both love surfing, which makes sense for her because she’s a park ranger but all your other accountant friends find you strange. That lets her know something important about you and lets her know that you’ve read her profile. It still ties everything together with the thing that you both have in common: a love of the waves.

If you can’t find something that neatly overlaps like the above example, you should still stick to three talking points. This gives her lots of room to respond without overwhelming her with options. Even if you just ask about how one of her interests relates to another, you’re giving her the opportunity to choose how to answer you.

End like a Sales Pitch

If you really want to make your message effective than you have to end it like a sales pitch. Add in a little call to action at the bottom and you’ll be surprised how quickly you start getting more responses. “Message me back if you want,” is a boring phrase that doesn’t make her want to message you. On the other hand, “Message me when you want to grab some waves,” makes a much stronger case. Not only are you giving her more of a direct instruction (while still making it sound like it’s her choice), you’re offering her something fun that she could get just by dropping you a line.

Keep your messages concise, punchy, and interesting to get her attention. End your message with a call to action to get her number.

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